I miss how innocent I think, I thought I knew everything back then. I can see myself as a person full of confidence but time has a way of slowly plucking it all away from you. I don't have any regrets but the past seems a nice view from afar. I find it healthy to look back and reminisce.
I love the feeling of that certain rush when I hear Manong Ice Cream’s bell rings from a distance or when mom cooks my favorite spaghetti on my birthday nonetheless. Eating breakfast foods for dinner specifically hotdogs, bacons and pancakes feel great rather than chopsuey, pinakbet ginataang monggo, and karekare. *scoffs*
Now, Manong Ice Cream is just a guy whom we used to know and exchange a little chitchat with. He no longer stops by at our house to see us bring our own cups running towards him to fill with “dirty ice cream”. I’ve learned to make mom’s spaghetti and it has become my son’s favorite as if he was me back in the day. I understand why eating processed foods were not the first option my mom had to serve us, hence foods that I hated are now the ones I enjoy eating combined with loads of rice nonetheless.
I’m raised as a Catholic and my family gathers for the six o’clock prayer where we do the whole rosary and The Litany of the Virgin Mary, kneeling down for the entire thirty minutes or maybe a little more. I honestly didn’t understand every word I said during the course of it and I memorized every word, mystery, litany, bible verses and whatnot. I am not happy to do it back then as I believed it was a waste of play time.
Now, I can barely utter the words if I know my heart is not in it. Praying the rosary has become an essential part of my life that it helps me through tough times. Words in the rosary are truly helpful if you do know what it means and says it from the heart.
Pain is when I scrapped my knee, bumped my head and falls from the steps. Mom scolds us while treating them bruises or wounds with cold or hot compress and alcohol and Betadine respectively. Tears and words are easy to come out as showing and letting everyone how you feel is not a big deal.
Now, pain is when loneliness strikes during Christmas Holidays, Valentine’s Day and Matey’s birthday. Bruises and wounds scare us only because of the thought that it may cause permanent scars or injury. Crying and telling everyone how you feel is quite difficult these days cause of the fear of judgement and whatnot.
Needless to say, everything is complicated as we get older. I miss what I was.
Signing off.